A few years back, a Tibetan monk who had served about eighteen years in a Chinese prison in Tibet came to see me after his escape to India. I knew him from my days in Tibet and remember last seeing him in 1959. During the course of that meeting I had asked him what he felt was the bigest threat or danger while he was in prison. I was amazed by his answer. It was extraordinary and inspiring. I was expecting him to say something else; instead he said that what he most feared was losing his compassion for the Chinese.
If I were to lose my compassion for those who have harmed me, then I would continue the cycle of anger and abuse that began long before I was born. I feel the desire to forgive and I feel compassion for those people. I know why they were abusive and angry. There are times when I even feel that I have forgiven these people. So I was heartened to read the passage that I quoted above in The Sunflower because it reaffirmed a conclusion that I had reached independently.
So why is it that I am still experiencing profound sadness and grief about the past? The death of my stepmother, whom I erroneously regarded as a mother, has burdened me with too much pain. What do I need to do to forgive (and I thought I had forgiven because I did not ever consciously feel anger or hate)? Obviously the Dalai Lama has spiritual wisdom that I don't have but I have no background with Buddhism for guidance. So I looked to Christianity, with which I am more familiar, and I read passages that are inspiring and comforting, such as Annie's response to Edward Flannery's response in the previous post. Annie quotes Mary Karen Read, who wrote, “When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.”
I have prayed, sought help and read both the Bible and secular books (including The Sunflower). Forgiveness, and its peace, still evades me. I may have a clue why: I think we can only forgive if we are part of a larger community of compassionate and spiritual people who can lead the way and comfort us.
Now I ask the Dalai Lama, the Buddhists, the Christians and all readers: How do we forgive and find compassion? Is forgiveness such a large task that it requires years of study, reading and meditation? Is it inevitable that we feel that primitive anger before we can forgive? Do Buddhists experience that anger? Wouldn't I be as bad as the abusers if I felt deep anger and hatred?
I need to forgive so that I can recover.
Posts
8 comments:
Wonderful, thoughtful post. I DO SO love that quote from the Dali Lama! It's so inspiring.
Do you know the quote, "Feel the fear and do it anyway"? (Or soemthing like that?)
I think it's that way with Buddhists and deeply religious practicing Christians--they feel anger, and then they say, "what would Buddha do?" Or "What would Jesus do?" And they do that, even if it isn't what they feel or want. And the ACT of doing the compassionate thing changes their hearts.
The love, forgiveness and compassion FOLLOWS the compassionate act, and not vice versa. That's what I think.
I have a long story about this, which I will get to if I have time, though we are leaving shortly (in a few days) for another trip. And I have a pinched nerve in my neck which is limiting my computer time.
oops, I made a spelling error that I keep making.
If one accepts the principle of karma and respects its implications then one can only but live by Buddhist values and tenets.
Karma is an active, interactive, ever present and fundamental property of the universe.
All our thoughts, words and actions affect the nature of our karma.
It is as like in quantum physics, no mass or energy is ever lost, it just transforms from one to the other.
Think of your thoughts and deeds as a quantum fluctuation, and if you emanate a negative charge, then you must be left with a positive surplus charge.
This will in turn attract negative energy to bring you back to equilibrium.
A fundamental law of the universe!
Take care and may you not wonder but ponder.
Veracity
http://one-just-world.blogspot.com/2008/07/letter-to-hu-jintao.html
Excellent Blog by the way.
...walk gently among wolves...
to everything there is a season,, maybe there are times when it is not wise to forgive too easily, we don't have to be mean or hurt anyone back, but certainly letting people know that they have over stepped their bounds makes sense to me, and sometimes when people are callous, they need a message to let them know their actions are unacceptable, I think.
Once you have said your peace, I feel, peace will come ..my experience. It is important to be heard to have peace.
Thereafter one can simply observe the memories and self talk that might become routine after all the time we stifle our need to be courageous and speak our truth.
I think this is a lesson in what must precede forgiveness and peace.
Good topic...
Some very important and thoughtful words here. I do think that before forgiveness can come, there must be a chance to state the wrongs and come to peace with them.
This book blew hard shaft and I didnt even read a single page.
I'd recommend watching "Forgiving Dr Mengele. Its a very well done documentary on a Jewish woman who survived Dr Mengele's experiments even though her sister did not. She was able to forgive and found peace and a new life. The documentary also interviews people who have not been able to forgive and how that continued anger and hurt has affected their lives. There are 2 powerful aspects necessary for forgiveness. The first is recognizing our own faults and our own hurtful actions. We all, given the right circumstances are murderers, rapists, and etc. Second, we have to want to live in the moment and not keep being a victim over and over again in our minds. We cant change the things that happen to us. But we can choose to live our lives in the celebration and joy of this moment, or we can rehash for the millionth time the sorrows of the past.
Post a Comment