The Shock of It

Today, at Easter Sunday Mass, I was witness to something very sad. It started out simply enough. It is 10:40 and the church is slowly filling with the larger than usual group of Sunday worshippers. Easter and Christmas always fill up the church. If we had these, as we call them, Chreaster Catholics, at Mass every Sunday, we could change the world. The force of good would overwhelm the rampant evil in the world but that's another subject for another blog. Back to the topic at hand - forgiveness.

"Mary" has been a member of our parish for 40 years. For the past 25 years and specifically for the past 25 Easter Sundays, she has played the piano and directed the music for the 11 a.m. Mass. This is her personal ministry, her calling. It means a lot to her. This Sunday, a portion of our youth group band entered and started setting up to play the music. When "Mary" arrived the shock of seeing others set up to play threw her into a terrible vortex of shock and anger. No one had told her that she wasn't playing.

The youth band director tried to calm her but there was no calming her, no abating of the erupting anger and insult of feelings emerging from her. Clearly, there had been a breakdown in communication. Words like "I've been here 40 years . . ." "I've played this Mass 25 years . . ." "I'm done. I'm finished. I won't be back." Even Fr. A's presence and attempt to talk to her did nothing to calm her.

Since I was sitting right across the aisle from this emotional event, I was able to see and hear it all unwind. I felt great sympathy for her and for the young people of the band. It was uncomfortable for them and devastating for her. And while I sympathized with her, another part of me regretted that she did not have the self-control to remember where she was and why she was really there.

The liturgy committee schedules all the Mass details for special days such as Easter. Why didn't anyone say something to "Mary". She certainly wasn't a stranger to the routine of such Holy Day services. How could such a breakdown occur? What history of participation from the past lead her to believe that it was set in stone that 11 a.m. was her Mass to play? Why didn't she think to check and confirm the schedule herself? Such useless questions in the moment, of course, but I hope the story does not end here.

It's moments like this that show us how confused our purpose for being at worship can become. We are there, first and foremost, to give our thoughts and attention to our Lord and the great sacrifice He made for us. Yes, we want to serve Him if we are called to do so in some capacity, but service must be given in a spirit of humility and gratitude for the privilege of providing the service. Somewhere along the way, the line was blurred in "Mary's" ministry. The meaning became more for her sake than for His.

I pray that with the ebbing of her anger and hurt and talking with Fr. A privately and then with the committee members who did the scheduling; and I hope with an apology from them, that she will find her way to forgiveness and peace. I pray that she does not choose to continue to not participate in a ministry that means so much to her. It would be a great loss.